


Gilded Cage

by 1drabbithole



Series: Gilded Cage [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-01
Updated: 2012-01-01
Packaged: 2017-11-14 22:28:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/520167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1drabbithole/pseuds/1drabbithole
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry thinks his feelings aren’t reciprocated when Louis stays out all night with Eleanor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gilded Cage

**Author's Note:**

> A prequel to [It Just Don't Feel Right](http://archiveofourown.org/works/520168). Based on fictionalized portrayals of real people. No harm intended.

Harry sat on the edge of his bed. All of his tears had been shed. He didn't have any left, save for the wet tracks running down his cheeks and the taste of salt on his lips. His throat was sore from the sobs he hadn't been able to hold back in the empty flat.

How had he gotten to this shite place in life anyway? He should have been having the time of his life... and maybe he was from time to time. Mostly, however, this was a place where all of his movements were choreographed and preapproved by their managers. It was a gilded cage and Harry felt agonizingly lonely in its confines. Especially tonight. He was an organ grinder's monkey, at which people laughed and threw money. No one really knew him, not really. They just saw the hair and the smile, heard the voice; they didn’t know what was going on behind all of that. Not even Louis knew everything, though Harry would have loved him to.

Just a few months ago had been such a high point in Harry’s life. They’d been signed by Simon’s record label and things were moving so fast. He was either asleep or euphoric, there was no middle ground. He'd spent every day with his best friend, working, performing, laughing. He fell in love with the way Louis' crazy sense of humor would come bounding out at any time of day or night, and the way Louis would touch him just to let Harry know he was close. Before that, Harry had come out of Cheshire with no idea how the world worked. He'd promptly fallen in love with another boy so thoroughly he barely knew which way was up.

Louis was the one who knew him best, but Harry didn't dare tell him all of that. Harry could perform in front of the whole of England on the telly, but telling Louis how he really felt was too big. It was too... scary.

And then Harry lost his chance.

Three weeks ago, Louis had a long, behind closed doors discussion with their manager, and that's when everything seemed to stop. Harry waited for those looks Louis used to give him that made him hopeful, but they came less and less. That thumb's up that always made a thrill run through Harry didn't come anymore. And after that meeting, Louis now had Eleanor. Had the circumstances been different, Harry probably would have liked her. She was pleasant, at least, but he couldn’t bear to see her when she was the one holding Louis’ hand.

Tonight Louis didn't come home and Harry knew everything good was over. From now on, he'd just do as was expected of him: smiling, flipping his hair, chatting up the girls, earning other people loads of money.

Just after dawn, Harry awoke to the flat's door unlocking. Louis' keys dropped into the bowl in the kitchen. Harry sat up from the couch, sniffled once and wiped his face. All of the tears had dried when he had collapsed on the couch and slept dreamlessly, the telly still tuned to infomercials.

"Hiya," Lou said. "Sleeping on the couch? Was _Spaceballs_ on again?" He was smiling, Harry could hear it in his voice even though he refused to look directly at Lou. It hurt to know he was so bloody cheerful after spending the night with someone else.

"Something like that," Harry mumbled, getting up and starting to shuffle toward his bedroom. He couldn't bear the idea of Louis looking at his still swollen eyes and knowing.

But it was too late.

"Hazza, wait. What's wrong? Are you ok? Did something happen?"

Louis sounded so concerned, and it killed Harry a little bit more on the inside to have those soft blue eyes turned on him like this. Harry shook his head to say that he didn't want to talk. He didn't want to admit that he was in love with his best friend who didn't love him in that way. It hurt too much to admit how jealous of this girl he was or how shattered he'd been when he realized Louis wasn't coming home. He hadn't been able to stop himself from guessing what they were getting up to all night.

Lou gently grabbed Harry's arm and turned him. He tilted Harry's chin up, forcing a sob from Harry. Harry squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his lips together to hold it in.

"What's wrong, babe? Come here. What's wrong?" Lou enveloped him in a strong hug, stroking Harry's curls. Harry wanted to melt into Louis’ touch and just have everything be ok again, like it had been. He couldn’t allow himself that, though. This had to be done like ripping off a plaster, quick or the pain would carry on.

"I can't, Louis. You can't." Harry pushed away.

"Can't what?" Lou grabbed Harry's wrist. "Please, Haz."

Harry snapped in two at the sound of his name on Lou’s lips. He’d fantasized about kissing those lips a thousand times. Maybe even of hearing his name when he touched Lou in just the way he liked. Harry’d wanted all of that so badly...

The words and tears spilled out of Harry in gasps. "You... Eleanor. And then you didn't come back. All night, Lou. I can't! I... I shouldn't have let myself... I have to..." He took a step toward his bedroom.

“What?” Louis said softly, his voice thin and his hand on Harry’s wrist relaxing.

Harry pulled out of Louis' grip and disappeared under his duvet. A moment later the edge of his bed lowered as Louis sat down. He put a hand on Harry's hip through the blanket.

"Harry, listen to me."

"Please just go away."

"I don't want to go away. That's what I'm trying to tell you. I've buggered this all up, haven't I," he muttered.

Harry held his breath so he wouldn’t start crying again.

"They told me I had to stop. That I was the eldest and I had to be the one to stop. And then they thrust Eleanor on me."

Harry pulled the cover down to look at Louis. "What?"

"That meeting a few weeks ago. They told me I had to get over you because I looked stupid pining after you and that if anything happened we would lose everything. I know how important the band is to you -- and to the other guys -- so I had to."

Harry’s heart thudded in his ears. "Sorry?"

Louis pushed Harry's hair off his forehead. Harry felt Lou’s touch zing through him.

"I have to act straight. They told me I must... I guess I didn’t really realize that I..." Louis looked nervous. He pulled his hand away from Harry’s face and then tentatively put it back, his thumb brushing Harry’s cheek. "I mean, but I'm... not. Haz, I'm not."

They'd never really talked about this kind of thing before. Blokes don't talk about this kind of thing. They play footie and Halo and ogle girl's tits. Harry always hoped Louis might have just been pretending with the ogling, because that’d maybe have meant something about Harry having a chance.

Harry inhaled a rough breath. "Me neither, really."

Louis looked pained. His eyes shone. "Listen, I love you, yeah?"

Harry didn't like Louis' tone. He felt his tears come back to his eyes. "I feel a "but" in there."

"But they said the band would be over if we..."

"If we what? Just please say it." Harry could barely stand this; the not knowing if Lou really meant what it sound like he meant.

"I don't even know if you are... You know. Into me. In that way." Lou blushed in the low light. "We're mates, and I'm probably fucking that all to hell."

Harry laughed bitterly, but a ball of excitement was writhing in his stomach. "Why the hell do you think I've spent the night crying like a baby?"

"Shit. Hazza, don't say that. I’m sorry for all of that, but I don't know what to do here. We can't if the other guys--"

"We can keep it quiet, Lou. We can," Harry said desperately, grabbing at Lou's hand. He wanted to drag Louis down on top of him and kiss him forever.

"I don't want to keep it quiet."

Harry's heart fell. "Oh." Here it was. Louis was keeping himself locked in his cage, and Harry would be locked in his, and that would be it.

"No, I mean..." Lou leaned down and kissed Harry's puffy cheeks softly. A kiss on each side, and then lower to the corners of his mouth. "I want _everyone_ to know."

Harry gasped when Lou kissed his lips.


End file.
